Divorce Does Not Have To Be Difficult

Divorce – Diving Deep and Answering Your Questions

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Change is inevitable. Things comes together, and many times, very naturally, things come apart. This is not to say that change is not complicated, and we all know that those processes can be as intricate and arduous as we see fit. Many times, it is about beginning with the right perspective, and regarding divorce, the way you begin can truly set the tone for the journey ahead.

That is why it is crucial to consult with someone who has experience helping others make divorce work for their life. Marsha Summersill has spent years helping others through the journey, and in this blog, we will take a deep dive into the most asked questions regarding divorce, and how being creative plays a role in the process.

When going through a divorce, what would you say is the top concern for your clients?

It is equally money and kids. If they have minor children that usually would be the big topic of how they are going to work that out. Obviously, if they can work out something ahead of time that is good, but if there is a dispute it can get a little dicey. The finances are comingled with the responsibility of the kids, so they come together in certain aspects. The equitable distribution of the divorce, of the financial piece, might or might not be considered income and can become enmeshed with balancing factors within the divorce. You need to be sure this is the direction you want to go.

What are some determining factors to take into consideration when beginning the divorce process?

Each state has its own laws, and we exist in our own pocket of laws when it comes to divorce. I would say what to consider is exactly how your stuff is going to be split. Really consider the best interests of your kids. If they are elite athletes or a super scholar, really put their needs first with respect to their activities and life. Be flexible and maintain the objective of communicating well throughout the process.

What does the timeline look like for someone filing for divorce?

If you truly do not need to litigate all your issues, then it potentially could take a handful of months. If there are many items to litigate, then it could take years. The more the parties know that is real and legally sound, the faster they will get to a realistic compromise. I think the issue we encounter as family law attorneys, many times, is the friend that wants to chirp in their ear or even the information google gives them. That sends them down an illogical path that does them no favors.

Other determining factors will be the party’s cooperation, compromise, and realistic views on how to get the sorting solved, and then other times it could be their legal counsel. There absolutely has been times when the opposing attorney continued the battle, even when both parties could have solved the situation and walked away.

What are some factors that could prohibit me from retaining rights to my children after the divorce?

You always have rights to your children. The only agency outside of you signing over your rights is the Department of Children and Families. In the state of Florida our public policy is both parents have equal rights to enjoy raising their kids. The judge has about 25 factors that they can consider. They do not have to consider all of them, but what is important to understand is that those factors are common sense stuff. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and many times I have clients that get super creative. Sometimes they have jobs where they travel, so the family must maximize and divide their time. When thinking about the child first, a two-year-old does not need to go seven consecutive days without seeing their parent.

To establish that bond, it is important that the child spend time with both parents. For older kids, they usually do not like going back and forth. Dicing up a week for a high schooler can be tough, so that is a situation where we may want to divide time differently depending on the needs of the children. Even though you are getting a divorce, you still must be a team when it comes to how you parent. It serves as a great example to other individuals who want to waste time and energy battling each other.

Let us say that I started a business while we were married, and it became successful. Is my spouse entitled to any of that business?

Probably. There are so many factors that we must consider, but the reality is that spouse is going to get something. I had a case where this person worked and worked and grew their business to a highly successful endeavor. The offset of that is really determining what is the marital portion of the business. That is where the fighting can start. The definition of what is marital and what is non-marital, what’s personal good will and what’s enterprise good will can really determine the outcome. Once we discover the amount of money that is the business and then the value that you bring to that business, we can achieve that number but, of course, every business is specifically different.

My recommendation: marry your equal. Then, if they did not earn it, they will not want it. That will simply be their personality type, but of course sometimes it is a complicated, intricate scenario. That is why a prenup can be a completely fair thing. If you do something together, that can become marital property. A prenup does not state that, “You don’t get anything.” What a prenup does say is, “I don’t want to be punished for working hard and achieving a lot of things.” There should be no issue with signing it because it is just being fair.

What about social security benefits? Is there a way I can take advantage of their Social Security benefits if they have always earned a greater amount of money?

Yes. The common law knowledge we operate under is that, if your marriage is ten plus years and the one spouse is not remarried at the time that they decide to select social security and their social security is less than what their spouse’s was, then they will either be able to offset it or get one that is a little bit higher than it would be on their own.

How does mediation play a role in the divorce process?

Mediation honestly saves so much financially, emotionally, and in many other areas. It is a huge benefit. In our location, it is required. Not in all statutes, but in family law, it is. You cannot even go to court without mediating. The question is, “Do you have a qualified mediator working with you?” It is a task to get certified in areas, but it does not take any specialization, so if you are looking at a divorce, post-divorce, or paternity case, it is best to work with someone who has good experience or someone like me, who is a family attorney.

What if I want to move to another state with the kids after the divorce?

No. This is about getting your mindset right from the very beginning. We do have a relocation statute that is automatically the law. If you get a divorce and decide to move later, the best option is that you and the other parent get to an agreement to see if that is something that will work for the kids. It cannot be, “I want to move to live closer to someone I met on the internet,” which has happened before.

 Moving is a tough one because it must be looked at from the child’s best interest. That is how the court looks at it and that is how the law looks at it. If the parents can get to an agreement and have a long-distance parenting plan, then we file with the court. If one parent says no, then you will be required to litigate that. How our law works to calculate maximum distance is – 50 miles as the crow flies. If you go over 50 miles, then you have opened the relocation statute. This is all why it works best when both parties can retain a cordial relationship with each other. Odds are that you will indeed have to work with that person in the future to handle these scenarios. It is all about compromise for both parties involved, and always about what is best for the children.

What are some determining factors when it comes to who will pay child support – and what does that support entail?

That is written in the law. It is how much money your gross income is, accounting for all your deductions, taxes and insurance, mandatory pension, and unions. You do get those credits and deductions. It is important to clarify that you do not get credits and deductions to account for your spending habits. The way time-sharing factors in is that it cost money to take care of kids. Timesharing is based on income incorporated with the amount of overnights, plus the proper credit for child expenses. If the child goes to an expensive school, and they are paying 100% of it, they need some sort of credit for that.

Define equitable distribution and how does it play a role in the outcome of the divorce?

It is huge. A lot of people jump to marital assets, but you also have marital debt. All of that is incorporated, and we do a specified spreadsheet. In cases where I am dealing with a lot of assets and/or a lot of debt, I am going to get the one-sheet, and we go back and forth until there is an agreement. We look at a number that aims at equalizing or offsetting payment or equalizing or offsetting debt.

What determines marital property?

Many times, those are the big items that we will argue over. If you acquire anything during the marriage, then there is a high likelihood that it is going to be considered marital and will be subject to an equal split. There is pre-marital, meaning you had a house before you were married. There is this belief that if you do not put your spouse’s name on the house, then it is not marital. This is not necessarily the case. The equity you have in the house at the date of marriage is yours, but as you make improvements over time, the house becomes marital. Whether or not your spouse’s name is on it is irrelevant, so that is something we would caution someone on.

Inheritance is another item people need to be careful about. Inheritance is technically non-marital until it is deposited into an account that is sharable. You cannot comingle the money or use it for marital needs if you want it protected. If you need to take a portion out, take it out at the time that you receive the inheritance, but make sure to put the rest into an account where it is clearly not being used for marital purposes.

How can a CPA (Certified Public Accountant) be of benefit during the process?

CPAs are highly valuable – I work with two that are amazing. Obviously, as lawyers, we have limits. CPAs know so much about values, stocks, and constructing an in-depth chart that considers all the angles of value for a certain item or category. The CPAs we work with are usually forensic accountants, and they know how to calculate enterprise and personal good will on a high level. I get my spreadsheet, opposing counsel gets their spreadsheet, and we compare to see how close we can get to meeting in the middle. When you find a good CPA, they are literally such a valuable piece of the puzzle.

If someone is thinking about divorce right now, what would you want to be able to tell them?

If you have the resources, always seek therapeutic guidance. Sometimes religion plays a role in helping you be certain, but the point is to find resources to make sure that you feel very secure in the decision you are making, especially if you decide to pursue a divorce. When I do my consults, we talk and make sure that you are confident in the decision that is being made and gain that acceptance before the process begins. That can truly help.

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Divorce Does Not Have To Be Difficult

Baby Boomer Breakups: Truths about Grey Divorce

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You may be surprised to find that the overall rate of divorce in the U.S. has gone down in the past 20 years; however, that does not necessarily apply to people over 50. Grey Divorce, or the act of getting a divorce later in life, has seen a rise occur lately. This goes directly against the common statement that we often hear: the point that young people do not stay together like they used to. When taking a critical approach to looking at the numbers, we must analyze what are the contributing factors to divorce for couples who have been in a long-term marriage.  

It is important to note that divorce is a struggle with a stigma. Not only are you going through one of the most difficult times of your life, but there is also the added fact that shame can play a role, even though it should not. Although this stigma has gone down over the years, it does not affect younger couples as much as it does older ones. As the stigma diminishes over time, individuals begin to look at divorce differently. More couples are deciding that they would rather be happy than be married to someone for the rest of their lives. When we analyze the reasons why many older couples get divorced, it enlightens us on mitigating factors.  

Here’s why Grey Divorce could be on the rise

Money  

First and foremost, how a couple manages their money can lead them down paths of difference. There is no right answer except for the fact that a couple must be willing to work together to achieve a balance in their decision making. One person cannot hold the reigns completely, and compromise can truly lead to the other party feeling validated.  

If one party makes all the money and marshals all the power in the household, that can lead to another party feeling insignificant. Another aspect is that if one individual believes that the other spends money too frivolously, those tensions can build up over time and result in conflict. Research shows that marriage tends to be stronger if the husband increases his earnings, but money management does not necessarily mean more is better. Balance overrules security sometimes and having a partnership that is truly based on equality is the healthiest option. 

The Spark  

Many times, this is the first discussion point for divorce. The spark, the excitement, and the reasons they got together in the first place have diminished over time. It is worth reminding that sparks come from somewhere. True love, at first sight, is an illusion. You must work at it to make those sparks happen. Many times, if the work has primarily been poured into raising children, then the focus on building and cultivating that spark can lessen.  

When you are at a crossroads, and many couples are when their children leave the home, it can lead to the desire to change circumstances altogether. When you are forced to try and cultivate that spark and you realize that it is much harder than you think, divorce lingers on the mind. 

The Individual  

We have become a society that values individuality, which can be a good thing. This does have some drawbacks, mainly in relation to making sacrifices for another party. Sometimes, when a person has spent so much of their life sacrificing for another, they want their years to be invested in themselves again. They want to pursue their dreams, and that causes conflict in the relationship. More and more, baby boomers are attaining this perspective, and it is causing many to think about divorce as a solution to their situation. 

Living Longer 

We are experiencing so much value placed on health, and because of that, we are living longer. This causes individuals to re-think and re-decide their commitments at a later age in life. They are beginning to take advantage of the fact that 50 is not as old as it used to be, and go for the dreams they may have put on hold during their 30’s and 40’s.  

It is ironic, but the longer we live, the more time we must spend trying to reinvent ourselves. Sometimes individuals find this need later in life, and it can lead to life changes such as divorce to help them find what truly makes them happy.  

Dependency  

Addiction can be the true destroyer of a relationship. An individual with a dependency that controls their life can feel like a liability, and that is not conducive towards a healthy relationship. It is all about working together, and if the couple cannot see eye-to-eye, then someone else’s habits can wear the relationship down. It is when individuals put their habits before those that they love that divorce becomes the tool to solve the situation they are in. It is truly difficult, but worth it if the couple cannot find common ground and depend on each other for happiness.  

Our Stance… 

We want to leave you with the implications of Grey Divorce. Ultimately, it might not be a bad thing. One important point to remember is the fact that divorce is not a failure. It is the beginning of progress. Many times, everyone involved can feel like they are losing the game when life is game where change is always inevitable. It is important to remember that children, no matter how old or young, can internalize the process and feel just as broken as the parents.  

The difficulty does not stop there. The division of assets and worth can subsequently divide a family even more, and that is why our lawyers take special care with each situation. We want to remind you that if you are thinking about divorce, talk to one of our attorneys. Their experience can become your advantage. Most of all, you should not feel like a failure. Life is filled with change, and the worth of anything is not directly tied to how long it lasts. On the other side of change exist possibilities that we cannot immediately see. We believe that change is always good, eventually.  

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child support reduction

Child Support Reduction/Suspension During COVID-19

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We at the Orlando Law Group understand that this is an incredibly tumultuous time for the world, a time where feelings of stress and uncertainty often cloud even the most optimistic of views.

If we can provide even a little bit of clarity for not only our clients but those out there dealing with issues of child support with reduced income, we will have done our job. 

What happens if a parent who pays child support has been involuntarily terminated?

In a time where hundreds of thousands of people are being let go from their jobs, thus losing their steady stream of income, the Courts look to a party’s individual circumstances to determine whether or not their child support obligation should be temporarily suspended. 

Temporary relief from child support is possible where the paying parent has been involuntarily terminated, he/she has searched thoroughly for a new job, the paying parent has depleted their assets, and their unemployment benefits have expired. 

Such relief may also be possible where there has been a significant, permanent reduction in income. If, however, the reduction is only temporary, the courts ultimately have the power to suspend payments.

It is important to note that a parent who is temporarily unemployed may not be subject to contempt proceedings for failure to make child support payments, based on the fact that the unemployment is the root cause of his/her inability to pay.

Additionally, Courts hold that a parent’s temporary relief from child support payments shall only be effective during the time in which it was reasonably necessary for them to gain employment.  You have to file a Motion to reduce child support right away and try to get a hearing because all obligations will keep being due until the obligation is reduced.

In the event that you had money coming out of a paycheck and you do not work at that company any longer, the Department of Revenue can suspend your license or pursue you for not paying.  We hope they will slow this process during this time, but you still have to be proactive as failure to pay can result in license suspension and in the worst-case scenario jail.  

Quire often, Judges are understanding, but they prefer when people are proactive. 

What happens to payment of back child support?

Where the loss of the paying parent’s job is definite and the court has temporarily reduced the paying parent’s child support, they shall not be required to pay any amounts that are owed (arrearages), if they are currently making the reduced child support payments ordered by the Court. 

Again, you need a court order to reduce the amount of support.

What happens if a parent is voluntarily unemployed?

Where a paying parent has created circumstances that a Court believes may amount to voluntary unemployment, the court may impute income (assign an income amount for the parent) sufficient to continue the current child support payments.

A modification of child support may be done by the court to reflect payments the parent could make if he/she was not voluntarily employed. 

Therefore, if you are a parent that has made an exhaustive effort to seek employment and are truly struggling to pay your current child support amount, the court may have the ability to temporarily suspend or reduce such payments until you are reemployed.

It is important to understand that a parent’s obligation to support their child terminates at death, so the temporary suspension of such support will only be granted if the Court finds it absolutely necessary.

In conclusion, if you have any questions regarding your child support payments, or if you need assistance with temporarily suspending them, please do not hesitate to contact a family law attorney at The Orlando Law Group at 407.512.4394 to schedule a consultation today. 

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time-sharing schedule problems

What Happens If A Parent Refuses To Honor The Time-Sharing Schedule Set Out By The Court?

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In Florida, courts adhere to Florida state statutes when shaping a timesharing schedule, and specifically look to Florida Statute 61.13. When deciding upon a timesharing schedule, the courts make their determination based on a multitude of factors; a total of about 20 factors, to be exact. These factors include, but are certainly not limited to: the demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship, to honor the time-sharing schedule, and to be reasonable when changes are required; the demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to determine, consider, and act upon the needs of the child as opposed to the needs or desires of the parent; the moral fitness of the parents; the mental and physical health of the parents; and the reasonable preference of the child. The bottom line is, when Florida courts determine a timesharing schedule, they make that important decision in accordance with the best interests of the child and in accordance with the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act.

Florida Statute 61.13 states that each minor child should have frequent and continuing contact with both parents during a separation and after a marriage is dissolved. The court adheres to the notion that parental responsibility is shared by both parents, unless the court finds that the continued sharing of parental responsibility by both parents would be detrimental to the child.

We are all aware that divorce or separation often results in a rollercoaster of emotions, even between the most logical and reasonable of parents, and situations may arise during and after a divorce or separation that lead to conflict between parents. If such distress leads one parent to begin restricting or altering the time-sharing of the other parent, Florida Statute 61.13(4)(c) states that the Court may take any of the following actions:

  1. Reimburse the denied-parent, as soon as possible, for the time-sharing missed. This is done at the convenience of the denied-parent and at the expense of the noncompliant parent; or
  2. Order the noncompliant parent to pay reasonable court costs and attorney’s fees to the denied parent for the expenses incurred from bringing an action to enforce the time-sharing schedule; or
  3. Order the noncompliant parent to attend a parenting course; or
  4. Order the noncompliant parent to perform community service; or
  5. Order the noncompliant parent to have the financial burden of promoting continuous contact, if the child resides more than 60 miles away from the compliant parent; or
  6. Modify the parenting plan if it is in the best interest of the child; or
  7. Impose any other reasonable sanction as a result of the parent’s noncompliance.

In addition to the possibilities listed above, if a parent refuses to honor the time-sharing schedule, they may be found in contempt of court and summarily punished in the form of paying reasonable court costs and attorney’s fees of the other party, or faced with another consequence that the is deemed appropriate. Other potential consequences could range from fines to sanctions or even incarceration. A contempt order may be criminal or civil. The determination of which type of contempt applies depends on the action of the party. Criminal contempt is often used to punish a party whose conduct rises to the level of embarrassing, hindering, or obstructing the administration of justice. Civil contempt is often used to persuade a party to comply with a court order after they have already failed to abide by it. To avoid being held in contempt, the parties must follow the time-sharing schedule set out by the court or properly modify it.

HOW DO YOU PROPERLY MODIFY A TIME-SHARING SCHEDULE?

Florida Statute 61.13 states that in order to modify a time-sharing schedule, a two-prong standard must be satisfied: (1) that there be a showing of substantial, material, and unanticipated change in circumstances; and (2) a determination that the modification is in “the best interests of the child.” In order to allow for a modification of the time-sharing schedule, the change in circumstances must be significant and involuntary. Additionally, as discussed in previous blogs regarding time-sharing, the “best interest of the child” is the primary standard that the court adheres to when constructing a time-sharing schedule for a minor child and his/her parents. There are numerous factors that must be considered when determining what is best for the child, some of which are:

  • The ability of each parent to determine, consider, and act upon the needs of the child as opposed to the needs or desires of the parent;
  • The length of time the child has lived in a stable environment; and
  • The moral fitness of the parents;

Therefore, if a party meets its burden of proving that there is a substantial change in circumstances and the modification is in the best interest of the child, the court may allow for the time-sharing schedule to be altered.

It is important to remember that the focus of both parents must remain on the well-being of the minor child/children, particularly in developing a safe and healthy environment for them. Additionally, if a time-sharing schedule is modified, then child-support payments may need to be adjusted as well. If you are planning on obtaining a divorce or modifying a time-sharing schedule, it is imperative that you understand the process, as well as the rules that the court must adhere to.

The attorneys at The Orlando Law Group represent families throughout Orlando, Waterford Lakes, Altamonte Springs, Winter Garden, Lake Nona, St. Cloud, Kissimmee, and throughout central Florida.

If you are dealing with a family law issue or looking for some preventative family law services, please reach out to our office at 407-512-4394, fill out our online contact form.

If you have questions about anything discussed in this article or other legal matters, give our office a call at 407-512-4394 or fill out our online contact form to schedule a consultation. We have an office conveniently located at 12301 Lake Underhill Rd, Suite 213, Orlando, FL 32828, as well as offices in Seminole, Osceola and West Orange counties to assist you.

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Divorce Child Custody

How Do Courts Calculate Time Sharing in Divorce Child Custody

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Divorce can be an overwhelming process, especially if a parent does not understand the reasoning and methodology behind the court’s decisions. One decision that many parents must deal with for years to come is the courts’ decision on a child’s timesharing or custody arrangement.

When the amount of time you spend with your child is at issue, it often helps to understand the rules that the court must abide by when constructing a time-sharing schedule. In Florida, courts adhere to Florida Statute 61.13, which may be a little overwhelming to read at first glance. This is why the professionals who focus on family law with The Orlando Law Group are here to help.

Florida Statute 61.046(23) defines time-sharing as a timetable that must be included in the parenting plan that specifies the amount of time that a minor child will spend with each parent, which includes overnights and holidays. A time-sharing schedule can either be 1) developed and agreed upon by the parents, then approved by the court; or 2) established by the court, if the parents can’t agree or if the time-sharing schedule they have already developed is not approved.

61.13 (2)(c) further states that the court must make a decision regarding a minor child’s time-sharing based on the best interest of the child and in accordance with the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. This means that the court takes into account all factors that affect the welfare and interest of the minor child, as well as the circumstances of the family. For example, some of the factors that the court looks to when determining the best interest of the child are:

(a) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship, to honor the time-sharing schedule, and to be reasonable when changes are required.

(b) The anticipated division of parental responsibilities after the litigation, including the extent to which parental responsibilities will be delegated to third parties.

(c) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to determine, consider, and act upon the needs of the child as opposed to the needs or desires of the parent.

(d) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.

(e) The geographic viability of the parenting plan, with special attention paid to the needs of school-age children and the amount of time to be spent traveling to effectuate the parenting plan. This factor does not create a presumption for or against relocation of either parent with a child.

(f) The moral fitness of the parents.

(g) The mental and physical health of the parents.

(h) The home, school, and community record of the child.

(i) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.

(j) The demonstrated knowledge, capacity, and disposition of each parent to be informed of the circumstances of the minor child, including, but not limited to, the child’s friends, teachers, medical care providers, daily activities, and favorite things.

(k) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to provide a consistent routine for the child, such as discipline, and daily schedules for homework, meals, and bedtime.

(l) The demonstrated capacity of each parent to communicate with and keep the other parent informed of issues and activities regarding the minor child, and the willingness of each parent to adopt a unified front on all major issues when dealing with the child.

(m) Evidence of domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect, regardless of whether a prior or pending action relating to those issues has been brought. If the court accepts evidence of prior or pending actions regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect, the court must specifically acknowledge in writing that such evidence was considered when evaluating the best interests of the child.

(n) Evidence that either parent has knowingly provided false information to the court regarding any prior or pending action regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect.

(o) The particular parenting tasks customarily performed by each parent and the division of parental responsibilities before the institution of litigation and during the pending litigation, including the extent to which parenting responsibilities were undertaken by third parties.

(p) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to participate and be involved in the child’s school and extracurricular activities.

(q) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to maintain an environment for the child which is free from substance abuse.

(r) The capacity and disposition of each parent to protect the child from the ongoing litigation as demonstrated by not discussing the litigation with the child, not sharing documents or electronic media related to the litigation with the child, and refraining from disparaging comments about the other parent to the child.

(s) The developmental stages and needs of the child and the demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to meet the child’s developmental needs.

(t) Any other factor that is relevant to the determination of a specific parenting plan, including the time-sharing schedule.

In addition to the best interest of the child, the court makes its decision in accordance with the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act, or otherwise known as the “UCCJEA”. The purpose of the UCCJEA is to avoid competition and conflict between courts of another state, where matters of custody may have been previously handled.

The UCCJEA Affidavit requires the parent to fill out the child’s name, place of birth, birth date, sex, present address, the period of residence, and places where the child has lived within the past 5 years. It also requires the name, present address, and the relationship to the child for each person with whom the child has lived during that 5-year period.

Statute 61.13 further states that it is the public policy of the state that each minor has frequent and continuing contact with both parents after the parents separate or after the marriage is officially dissolved. It encourages both parents to share the rights and responsibilities that come with raising their child. It also emphasizes that there is no presumption against the father or mother of the child regarding their time-sharing, which essentially means that there is no predetermination made by the court regarding which parent the child will spend more time with. After the court weighs all of the factors outlined above, it will make its determination based on whatever time-sharing schedule is best suited for the child’s individual needs.

If you are currently struggling with determining a suitable time-sharing schedule in a divorce child custody situation, finding an attorney who can effectively help you during its construction is vital. The attorneys at The Orlando Law Group are ready, willing, and able to assist you with such a process. We have countless hours of experience in family court helping our clients navigate divorce cases and understand the type of custody that has been arranged.

The attorneys at The Orlando Law Group represent families throughout Orlando, Waterford Lakes, Altamonte Springs, Winter Garden, Lake Nona, St. Cloud, Kissimmee, and throughout central Florida.

If you are dealing with a family law issue or looking for some preventative family law services, please reach out to our office at 407-512-4394, fill out our online contact form.

If you have questions about anything discussed in this article or other legal matters, give our office a call at 407-512-4394 or fill out our online contact form to schedule a consultation. We have an office conveniently located at 12301 Lake Underhill Rd, Suite 213, Orlando, FL 32828, as well as offices in Seminole, Osceola and West Orange counties to assist you.

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deal-narcissist-in-court

How to handle a narcissist in court during a divorce

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By Attorney Marsha Summersill

What is a narcissist?

A narcissist is someone characterized as having a narcissistic personality disorder. This disorder is defined by psychologists as a mental condition in which an individual has an inflated sense of self-importance, an insatiable need for outside attention has difficulty in relationships, and has a clearly defined lack of empathy for others.

One of the lesser-known defining elements of a narcissist is that despite the outward impression of self-confidence, they possess delicate self-esteem and are easily hurt by even small amounts of criticism.

Someone with a narcissistic personality disorder will often have problems in many areas of their life. Narcissists have difficult times in relationships, at work or school, and those difficulties can find their way into other important parts of their life.

Because of the narcissist’s need for constant outside admiration, they will often be disappointed in normal relationships and will find them unfulfilling. Because of this, the narcissist will typically seem unhappy, dissatisfied, and disappointed.

What does narcissistic mean?

To be narcissistic means to possess the characteristics of a narcissist. This means they have a constant and unrealistic need for affirmation and lack empathy for others, even those closest to them.

It can be difficult to identify someone’s personality as narcissistic. It’s important to understand that narcissism is a scientifically defined mental condition. While it might be easy or convenient to anecdotally classify someone as being a narcissist, for this article, we advise our clients to refrain from using that term unless there has been a clinical diagnosis.

Signs you are in a narcissistic relationship

While it is important to have someone diagnosed as a narcissist to best understand the situation, there are some signs you can look for if you believe you are in a narcissistic relationship. Here are some of the most common.

  1. Your partner or ex has to dominate the conversation. This is because the narcissist wants all of the focus and attention to be on them, with little regard for how others feel.
  2. Your partner or ex continually interrupts without consideration for your feelings. Remember, a narcissist lacks empathy and understanding of other’s feelings so they will barge in on the conversation without care.
  3. Your partner or ex feels that boundaries or rules don’t apply to them. A narcissist believes they live outside of the rules of appropriate behavior. This means that they will go beyond the boundaries of what is appropriate and feel that they are justified in breaking any rules that govern basic human-to-human relationships.
  4. The projection of a false, exaggerated appearance. The narcissist so badly wants to impress those around them that they will often exaggerate many things about their lives. What’s happening here is that they want to convey the message that they are better than everyone else.
  5. The narcissist is manipulative. They will use situations and other people to their advantage and strengthen their belief that they are better than those around them. Even under pretense, someone with narcissistic tendencies will “use” people and environments to elevate their position and draw out the attention and admiration of others.
  6. Your partner or ex is grandiose. The narcissist has a false sense of self-importance and will portray themselves in kind. Their behaviors will be exaggerated. They will imply that they are heroic and others simply could not survive without them.
  7. Your partner or ex isolates you from your friends and is highly controlling. Remember, to the narcissist, it is all about them, and they do not want you to share your attention or affection with others.
  8. Your partner or ex likes to spread negative emotions. One of the most potent ways to get attention is to spread negative emotions. These negative emotions could be caused by the smallest of circumstances, real or perceived. This behavior will often throw-off people around them and direct attention to the narcissist.

Can a narcissist change?

There is much debate between psychologists about whether a narcissist can change. The root of the argument is that narcissism is a personality disorder and typically these types of disorders have more permanence. They are increasingly resistant to change over time.

One position is that if a person is diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and desires to change strongly enough, they can change.

However, we are dealing with the complexities and variances of the human mind, and each person and situation is different. The short answer is that it is not clear if a narcissist can change.

How to deal with a narcissistic husband, wife, or ex.

Dealing with a narcissist is another complicated question. There are many experts who believe that, especially in the case of an ex, you should completely avoid dealing with a narcissist at all. Especially if you feel that you can change their behavior. The experts suggest keeping the narcissist at arms-length and deal with them as little as possible or as is necessary, in the case of co-parenting.

The key to dealing with a narcissistic husband, wife or ex is to understand what you are dealing with. Your partner or ex lives in a world that is all about them, and your feelings or existence have little meaning unless you are paying attention to them, giving them accolades, or giving them affection. If you are comfortable living in that condition, you can then deal with it accordingly.

How to handle a narcissist in court during a divorce

Dealing with a person with narcissistic issues or traits during the divorce process or in an adversarial setting is difficult but doable. The following suggestions are helpful methods as the divorce process alone is daunting, and adding the narcissist as an opposing party escalates the level of difficulty to extremely high.

  • Be prepared to receive several motions and pleadings that will be inaccurate, inflammatory in nature, and in abundance. The first reaction is to respond in anger and try to counter the accusations with your own flurry of emotional responses; however, this type of response may be counterproductive to your goal for the divorce. The best method is to maintain a calm, cool, and collective stance. Meet with your attorney and formulate a game plan to tackle the motions and filings in a manner that places you in a better position when you do need to be in front of a judge.
  • Make certain to choose an attorney with a good skill level to deal with a narcissist. Your lawyer that is drafting your responses, motions and pleadings must be knowledgeable on how to deal with an opposing party that has narcissistic traits. The narcissistic party believes they know more than a lawyer and will attempt to manipulate your attorney. Your lawyer should have the ability to identify the narcissist’s tactics and respond accordingly that will benefit you and get you closer to your desired outcome in the case.
  • Keep your attorney INFORMED. This cannot be stressed enough. Do not doubt your knowledge of your partner or spouse.
  • Because of the increased problems and high emotional stress involved in a divorce with the added issue of divorcing a narcissist, it is suggested that you participate in therapy with a licensed mental health professional that has advanced working knowledge on addressing the ramifications of dealing with a narcissistic partner or spouse. Really try to use the methods and strategies recommended by the therapist to help get through the process.
  • Only use documented or written forms of communication. This is advised for all contentious divorces, but more so in a divorce with a narcissist. You will receive hostile, inaccurate, and harassing communications from the narcissistic party. Don’t respond while you are reeling in anger. WAIT! Consult your lawyer and keep that calm and collective stance that was previously suggested. Remember, every communication has a possibility of being used in court. Communicate in a manner where you think a judge or third-party decision maker is watching and listening.
  • Gather your support together! Your support is your legal team, your mental/emotional support team, and your friends, family and other reliable and trustworthy sources or groups.
  • Meet with your attorney before any hearings or trial. Review methods with your attorney on how to address any triggers that the narcissist may attempt to use to rattle you and impact your ability to get your testimony heard.

Co-parenting with a narcissist

Unfortunately, co-parenting with a narcissist will require ongoing diligence on your part to ensure the children are insulated as much as possible from the self-serving goals of the narcissist. You will need support. It is strongly suggested to have a mental health professional involved. The therapist or counselor also should be skilled in dealing with narcissistic tendencies or traits from the other parent.

Make certain to keep the therapist informed of the issues regarding the narcissistic parent. Ask for help on how to address the problems associated with the narcissistic parent.

You will receive information from the children on what the other parent is discussing with them or saying about you. The narcissist will most likely engage in a smear campaign against you and inappropriately share litigation information or adult topics or issues with the children. It is critically important not to respond in a “correction” mode or tell your children the real facts. I know it is hard, but do not involve your children in the parenting aspect of your case.

Document what the children are saying to you and discuss it with your therapist and your attorney. Remember, keep your lawyer informed. Encourage your children to be open, honest, and to share. Also, let them know that those conversations are adult problems and the children should not be involved at all. The therapist will have insight on how to address the parenting side of the problems the narcissist will create, and your lawyer will guide you on what to do legally. Use the resources of your support teams.

Moving on from a marriage with a narcissist

Moving on from a relationship with a narcissist can be difficult, even more so if you’ve spent years in the narcissistic environment. You might have feelings of low self-worth, you might doubt your ability to make others happy, you might unfairly judge yourself.

First, realize that it’s not your fault. You were in a situation that actively contributed to making you feel this way about yourself. You’ve gotten out. Now it’s time to move on.

You should take time for yourself. It’s time to reconnect with yourself and find the value that you bring to your own life and that of others. Engage in activities that help you regain balance in your life and help build your self-esteem. Sign up for a class that you’ve always wanted, increase physical activity, spend time with family and friends. Reintroduce yourself to the beautiful things life has to offer.

In some cases, you might want to consider getting help through therapy. Sometimes just having someone to speak with about the situation can help ease the process of moving on. A professional who can specifically address the situation can be a valuable resource.

No matter what, you must move on. You will find “yourself” again and realize that you are the beautiful, miraculous person you were meant to be.

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Photo of Jennifer A. Englert - Attorney and Managing Partner of The Orlando Law Group

How the New Tax Law Will Affect Your Alimony Tax and Alimony Tax Deduction

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OLG LEGAL COMMENTARY:
Jennifer Englert
OLG Founder & Managing Partner

Photo of Jennifer A. Englert - Attorney and Managing Partner of The Orlando Law GroupThe Tax Cuts and Jobs Act is a congressional revenue act that implements many changes including reduced tax rates for businesses and individuals. Of particular interest is a part of the new law that relates to the taxation of spousal support payments, commonly known as alimony as well as significant changes to the alimony tax deduction.

The new tax law introduced significant changes to how alimony is taxed, mainly who is responsible for paying those taxes. Under the previous law, an alimony tax deduction could be taken from the payor’s annual federal taxes and had to be reported as taxable income by recipients.

Beginning on January 1st, 2019, alimony will no longer be tax deductible for those who pay alimony and will no longer be taxable income for those who receive it. Alimony payors will now be required to pay taxes on more of their income, as the portion allocated for alimony payments will now be included, while alimony recipients will keep the payments tax-free.

Does the new Tax Cuts and Jobs Act law apply to me?

The new law will not be retroactive for individuals currently paying or receiving alimony, meaning if your divorce is finalized on or before December 31st, 2018, you will not be affected. However, if you modify your divorce agreement and/or alimony payments after this cut-off date, you may then be subject to tax treatment under the new law.  If you have not finalized your divorce before the start of 2019, the new law will apply to you.

Will the new Tax Cuts and Jobs Act law benefit me?

If you pay alimony

If you believe you will likely be ordered to pay alimony as a result of your upcoming divorce, the new law will not benefit you. Under the previous law, alimony payments were tax deductible, meaning the yearly total of your payments was deducted from your tax liability, this alimony tax deduction lowered the amount you owed in taxes. Thus, it may be to your benefit to finalize your divorce before the new law takes effect in 2019 and you lose out on the alimony tax deduction.

If you receive alimony

If you believe you will likely be receiving alimony as a result of your upcoming divorce, the new law may benefit you. As alimony will no longer be taxable income, those receiving alimony will benefit by no longer paying any taxes on the alimony payments they receive.  Thus, under the new law, it may be to your benefit to file for divorce in 2019 after the new law takes effect, so you can keep all of your alimony tax-free. However, it is important to consult with your attorney regarding all of the factors that may affect the alimony you plan to receive as the new tax law could have further implications on your divorce and alimony.

How the new law affects divorced couples.

Divorced couples will likely lose money overall as alimony recipients are typically in a lower tax bracket than payors, and the previous tax structure allowed divorced couples to keep more money within the family unit. This new allocation of taxes may affect your decision on when to finalize your divorce in order to maximize resources for your family. Potential alimony recipients should be aware that this change in the tax law may affect the amount of alimony awarded to them. As the payor will no longer benefit from an alimony tax deduction and cannot deduct the payment from their taxes, they will have less money from which to pay alimony as a result of paying taxes on more of their income now, and alimony awards may be reduced.

For more information on how this change might be a factor in your divorce, contact your attorney.

Jennifer Englert is the managing partner and founder of The Orlando Law Group, PL. For over 15 years, she has focused on business disputes, business law, general civil litigation, special needs & education law, family law, personal injury, and real estate. She has represented entities and individuals in both federal and state trial and appellate courts.

Founded in 2009, The Orlando Law Group, has been named one of the fastest-growing law firms in Central Florida and through America [ranked No. 105 among the top 500 fastest-growing law firms in the United States, per the 2017 Law Firm 500]. It has earned a reputation as the Orlando-area law firm that cares about its clients and the communities it serves. Offices located throughout Orange and Seminole counties. To contact Englert, or for

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Jeffrey W. Smith

Don’t Ignore Your Divorce Agreement – Even in The Summer

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OLG LEGAL COMMENTARY:
Jeffrey W. Smith, Attorney

While summertime is typically that jovial part of the year when families get together to travel on trips near and far, sometimes for weeks at a time, that is not necessarily the case for the millions of families with children that have gone through the divorce process.

Unfortunately, this time of year — similar to when the December holidays roll around — tends to bring angst, anger, and hostility between the divorced spouses, mostly because one or both parties wish to take their child(ren) on vacation with them for extended periods of time … and the other party is hesitant, anxious and/or not willing to allow that to occur.

As an attorney with The Orlando Law Group, I see this quite often. When divorcing, parents will hopefully come to an agreement on a “parenting plan,” [otherwise the fate of the time that parent will have with their child(ren) will lie in the hands of a judge] that will include what time and dates each parent is scheduled to spend with the children and over which holidays, summer and spring break. At that time, agreements get put in place. For example, “Both parents will get 15 consecutive days with the child(ren) in the summer,” and “each party has to notify the other by May 1st of each year as to what those dates are and will be,” or “In the odd years Mother’s dates will take preference and in the even years Father’s dates will be given preference.”

These detailed agreements are put in place so that there are no surprises for either divorced spouse and to help the families plan and prepare in advance so as to have more enjoyable, quality time together. And, for the most part, they are guidelines that are put in place by both parties amicably.

Even with a Divorce Agreement, Problems Can Arise

However, very often, even though there is a divorce agreement in place, come each May, November, December and March the arguments still tend to arise. “What do you mean the kids are going with you for two weeks straight? I cannot be without my child for two weeks in a row? Three weeks? A whole month? What do you mean I don’t get to see them for however many days we agreed on?”

When the reality hits that, yes, summertime is here and, yes, the other parent is, indeed, taking your child — their child — away on vacation, many people tend to panic. They suddenly do not recall their divorce agreement. They suddenly do not care to recall their divorce agreement.
And so the unhappy parent will then try to prevent the other parent from exercising the agreed-to time sharing agreement.

I have had clients beg for me to go in front of a judge to plead their case because “it would devastate their child if they were apart from one another for two whole weeks.”
I have had clients tell me that the other parent is not good for their child(ren), and therefore should not be allowed to have them for vacation time.

I have had clients tell me that the child(ren) does not want to go with the other parent, so therefore they shouldn’t have to.

Here is the thing, — these divorce agreements are in place for a reason. They are there to ensure that both parties — the divorced husband and the divorced wife — get a fair amount of time with their child(ren), as agreed upon by both parties. This is necessary to ensure that the children maintain a meaningful, quality relationship with both parents.

Unless there is a material, substantial and unanticipated change in circumstances [or, on the very rare occasion, an “emergency,” defined as the imminent physical harm to the child, or the parent is threatening, or is attempting to remove the child from the jurisdiction of the court, e.g. State of Florida] to go back in front of a judge, then you must follow the divorce agreement that you entered into, agreed upon, and signed.

This is why, when going through divorce and creating a parenting plan, the plan should be as detailed as possible. Make it so it protects both parents, to where each parent, when the child(ren) is away, gets to know where they are going, where they are staying, how long they will be gone, when they will be coming home, who they will be with, what numbers they can be reached at, etc.

But please remember, parents, it goes both ways. One parent cannot and should not expect the other parent to provide that information, and yet not themselves have to do the same.

And Remember This, Too: You are Not Alone.

I speak from experience. As a divorced parent, I was one who did not want my daughter gone for such an extended period of time. I heard the cries from my daughter of not wanting to go, of not wanting to leave me, and it hurt.

So when that holiday, summer, or spring break rolls around, think twice. Do not make it worse on your children by adding unnecessary stress and discontent to a situation that was not only agreed to by you, but also is a time for the child to enjoy and grow that relationship with the other parent, it’s their vacation too.

In the rare event that you feel there may be a material, substantial and unanticipated change in circumstances that would warrant a modification of your parenting plan, or, if you honestly believe your child may be in imminent physical harm, or the other parent may be fleeing the State of Florida with the children, by all means, contact an attorney.

But it is your job and, in fact, your obligation to put your children first and above any disagreements you may have with your ex-spouse.

I know, easier said than done. But for the sake of your children it, nonetheless, must be done.

** Attorney Jeffrey W. Smith’s areas of practice with The Orlando Law Group include veteran law, family law, estate planning, general civil/business litigation, and social security disability. To contact Smith, or for more information about The Orlando Law Group, please visit TheOrlandoLawGroup.com or phone 407-512-4394. **

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